A dose of reality

   What is there that can be said about the first week of my first year of teaching? What words can express my life over the course of this week? I'm not sure if I know. When I started the week, I had so many hopes and expectations for how the classroom would function, what the kids would be able to do, how I would be perceived by them and their parents. To say that my hopes and dreams have been completely shattered would not be entirely accurate, but lets just say I've been given a pretty sharp dose of reality.

    My week began Monday, and by the end of the day I'd already lost one of my kids. The mother was furious. It turned out the office confused her with somebody else and shipped her over to a neighboring elementary school. I thought I would have a heart attack.

    Our school has taken on kids from three neighboring elementary schools. We weren't ready to take on so many kids. We only have one water fountain in our section of the building that works, and it trickles out so slowly that the kids have to suck at the fountain in order to get anything to drink. The school did not have any idea how many kids would show up in our classrooms, so they shuffled kids in and out and all over the building until our numbers settled down. They told us to expect anywhere from 28 to 40 kids per classroom. In the first three days of school, I had on average about 30 kinders in my room with no assistant and never the same group of kids for more than two hours at a time.  

    The amount of kicking, punching, screaming, cursing, fighting, and everything else that you could imagine that goes on, its a miracle that I could do anything with my kids this week. Going into week 2, I literally have no clue where to begin.
from August 26, 2012

    

    

Far better to give

"It is more blessed to give than to receive."

Acts 20:35 

    Every once in awhile I take a step back and ask myself, "What the heck are you doing here?" What am I doing? I am working a thankless job in the middle of the worst part of a city that is quite literally in the middle of nowhere. The realization struck me halfway through my first day of teaching as I slowly inhaled and exhaled and scanned across the faces of 30 screaming kindergarteners. "I get nothing out of this deal." That was the thought that slowly settled into the pit of my stomach. Nothing.

    But it struck me then as it does now that people do things for all sorts of crazy reasons. Including myself. The words of Acts 20 strike me now as breathtakingly powerful. "It is more blessed to give than to receive." Is it crazy to do something precisely because you get nothing out of it? Or maybe that's the whole point. This world has nothing to offer. Then again, it's always seemed to me that there is no such thing as getting nothing in return. There's always something. It just depends on what you're looking for.  I am reminded of the promise in Luke 6:38:

" . . . give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you."

    Lord, help me to cling to the truths of these passages during a time in my life when it is so hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Help me to remember that the kingdom I serve is not of this world and that this world truly has nothing to offer me. Lord, as I walk through a season of my life where it feels like I am giving so much, help me to remember that you love a cheerful giver. Giving so often means so much more than money. It means time, energy, labor, tears. Lord, but you make all grace abound so that we might have all sufficiency in all things, at all times. You cause us to abound in every good work and enrich us to be generous in every way. Let me never forget that I serve a faithful God.

"The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work . . .

"He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God."

2 Corinthians 9:6-8, 10-11 

from September 8, 2012