Resolutions

    Resolved: To enjoy my kids and remember that they are children.

    Father, I am tired of being a tyrant in my classroom. Make me a leader instead. I am tired of being a disciplinarian. Make me a healer instead. I am tired of dreading my classroom and kids. Make me joyful instead. I am tired of clutching my head in despair, yes, every planning period. Make me hopeful instead. I am tired of being afraid. Make me courageous instead.

from November 12, 2012

She Lost Her Voice!

   I said hello to Jhaide, a student from Ms. Storm's class, while she was getting her backpack in the hallway yesterday. She looked at me with the most horrified expression.
    "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR VOICE?!?!" Her squeal communicated a level of terrified amazement.
    I suppressed the urge to laugh and calmly smiled. "I lost it, Jhaide."
    Jhaide's eyes grew big. "You LOST your voice?!?" She gasped, then turned around and ran into her classroom. "Guys! She lost her voice! Listen to her! Listen to her!" Jhaide burst out of the room with a trail of six-year-olds bouncing behind her.
   I turned down the hall to make my escape, but could hear the buzz of little voices behind me. "She lost her voice?" - "Yeah! I heard it too!" - "Where'd it go?" - "I dunno!"
    Technically, I should have told them to be quiet. No yelling in the hallway. I tossed the idea. Just this once. This was far too amusing.
   from October 31, 2012.

To Live is Christ

"For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain."

- Phil. 1:21

    The more I come to know Jesus Christ and the comfort of his saving love, the more acquainted I become with the sufferings of this world. The more I come to know the joy of his salvation, the more impatient I become with this life. The more I come to know the peace of his presence, the more restless I become to enter his rest, away from the constant struggle of living in a fallen world

    Yet somehow the more I struggle with the pains of this world, the sweeter that final rest will become. With every burden I carry, the more aware I become of the strength of his arm that sustains me, bearing burdens that would otherwise crush me. With every fire that burns, the more aware I become of his enveloping peace that grants me safety in the hottest flame. With every storm that I face, the more aware I become of his mighty hand that stays the strongest wave and beckons me to walk on water.

    Lord, what can I say but that it is a privilege to be burdened by the struggles of this life? What can I say but that it is an honor to be refined through the fires of this world? Apart from pain, I would not know you. Apart from hunger, I would not eat your bread. Apart from thirst, I would not drink your water. In my need you reveal yourself. In my weakness I am forced to seek your presence. In my darkest hour, your light becomes a beacon.

    So I thank you for my need. It is in my need that you reveal your sufficiency. 

from October 31, 2012

The End of Myself

    It's impossible for me to explain the kind of stress and pressure this job entails. I could not have imagined what it would be like, even if I went back in time and told myself every single gruesome detail. You just can't understand until you've lived it, until you've experienced it yourself.
    I've spent more lonely nights crying into my pillow than I normally spend in a year, and with the news that Tiffany was leaving us, my heart sank even lower. I could not imagine stuffing my classroom with 31 students.
     "I can't do this, God. I can't do this." The words stumble out in my prayers as desperate pleas for mercy. "God, I can't do this."
    Teaching has brought me to the end of myself. It sounds strange to say this, but I'm glad. I needed this. I needed to be shown my limits. I needed to reach the end of my rope. I needed to learn a painful lesson. A lesson that will stick with me for the rest of my life. When you've gone as far as you can go, God will take you as far as He can go.
    Is there any better place to be than the impossible? Is there any better weight to bear than the unbearable? When I do the possible, I act alone. When I take up the impossible, I act in the power of God. God is at work when things are impossible.

    Lord, let me always be brought to the end of myself that I might know just how far you can take me. Place the unbearable upon my shoulders. Make my life a testimony of your power and not my own. Let me reach the end of my life and look back upon a history of your great works, not mine. Set the impossible before me, and let no question remain that you are the one at work in my life. You. And you alone.
    I can do all things through Christ who strenghthens me. Nothing is too difficult for you. Make your strength perfect in my weakness.
from October 29, 2012